Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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