This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
