I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
