I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
sarcasm needs its own font
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
