come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You are a genius and a whore.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
