i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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