i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
