i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
