In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
