I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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