I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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