Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i came on her dog
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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