I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
