I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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