I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
