it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
