Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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