I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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