Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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