i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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