And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
