3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
