Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
pray to the hookup gods
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
