Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Boobs are out for the taking
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
