paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
