In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The ass gains better be worth it
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