God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
