Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
