This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
