Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
