once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
