New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
