What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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