I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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