The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
