No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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