cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
