It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
