Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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