She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
