i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
