please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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