Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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