I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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