Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
