I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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