walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
