using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
