So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
