dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i want to swaddle you in tequila
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
