i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
